Do you older folks (like myself) remember the
days when an unmarried mother-to-be could reasonably expect the father of her
awaited child to marry her? Such marriages provided support for the mother and
child and a suitable name for the new baby; hopefully, in time the scandal
would be forgotten and a degree of fondness might develop in the new
household.
How customs change! As I have it, too many
high-school-age people today can hardly wait to become parents with or without
partners. The boy-dads are thrilled by evidence of their ability to perform
like stray dogs and cats. The girl-moms are similarly self-satisfied with their
biological skills and their new, live dolls....the novelty of which soon wears
off as it does with all toys. Moreover, some social commentators suggest that
criticisms of such behaviors are insensitive impositions of an outmoded value
system. These societal liberators value the inalienable rights of females to
make as many babies as they wish and of males to exercise their pleasure-rights
restricted only by some vague notion of mutual consent.
Do you younger people know of long-time married
women and men who are abusive or negligent parents, whose relationship as
husband and wife is indifferent or mean-spirited? Curiously, my generation (and
those before mine) frequently looked the other way when we came across such
conditions; at some level we denied the grim realities of these residences.
We'd been taught to value above all else a proper arrangement, an acceptable
form. Households of convenience - whether for business purposes, for social
acceptance, for family approval, or for the mere production of an appropriate
number of children - went unchallenged; they were upheld as along as everything
appeared tasteful, legal, and, therefore, "moral."
In recent decades, mothering in United States
homes has taken on extraordinary duties. Super-moms taxi their children to
endless worthwhile activities, assuming that moms and everyone else should
always keep busy. As our national family values embraced a "more is better"
standard, many mothers added employment to their duties, sometimes out of
necessity, often to help pay for luxurious living; like many fathers, numerous
mothers willingly became servants of affluence. These moms inevitably find
themselves with little remaining energy - even for the bogus notion of "quality
time" - usually minutes - with their children.
I'm not trying to spoil today! However, Mother's
and Father's Day observances can turn to predictable mush. Frequently implied
is how wonderful and honorable ALL mothers and fathers are, that everyone
should at some time be one or the other. We prefer to forget about the several
parents who are negligent or unfit in varying degrees.
As far as we know, Jesus was neither a husband
nor a father. Furthermore, he had some rather strong statements about
relatives: "For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter
against her mother... Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy
of me..." (Matt. 10:35ff.) On the occasion that his mother and brothers were
outside and wanted to speak with him, "Jesus replied, 'Who is my mother, and
who are my brothers?' And pointing to his disciples, he said, 'Here are my
mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my
brother and sister, and mother.'" (12:48-50) And yet, he also taught, "For God
said, 'Honor your father and your mother,' and 'Whoever speaks evil of father
or mother must surely die.'" (15:4)
We can best understand all of Jesus' remarks
within the context of his familiar pronouncements, such as we heard in today's
Gospel, that we should love one another, that we should abide in love thereby
making our joy complete. All worthy relationships are characterized by degrees
of affection. An indifferent or abusive mother or father is not to be revered
automatically, just because of a past biological event. Our courts are learning
too slowly that true parents are not defined by a biological ownership of
children, but by a truly affectionate relationship with a child. Biological
parents are not necessarily fit parents, nor do they automatically deserve to
be called "Mother" or "Father." In the spirit of Christ, what qualifies one to
be identified as "Mother" or "Father" is their active, committed love for the
child.
The Gospel's same context of devotion applies to
those we would call "friends." Mere associations in the neighborhood, in an
organization, or at work - however pleasing - are not necessarily friendships.
The word "friend" originates from an Anglo-Saxon verb meaning "to love." A
dictionary clarification is this: "one attached to another by esteem, respect,
and affection; an intimate." A friend is someone we spend time with because
it's enjoyable to do so and not because it's profitable, useful or necessary.
Christian friendship is a relationship of mutual trust and affection; a friend
is someone we might be willing to die for. What a powerful message from Jesus
when he called his disciples, including you and me when we love, his "friends."
In a real sense, a Christian congregation should be in the ongoing process of
becoming a society of friends - with each other and with God. Too often we
churchfolks allow ourselves to get side-tracked from that holy calling.
Today you and I are paying respect to the
majority of mothers, those who fulfill, even imperfectly, Christ's standard of
truly loving their children. We honor those mothers who unquestionably deserve
our praise and love, those who too often wonder whether they have done enough,
those moms who continue to be ever-caring. In that regard, I'd like to mention
my mother, in her mid-80s, in not the best of health. She has convinced me that
in most women, at the birth of a child, a mother-switch is forever turned on.
An example of this inclination occurred in recent years as I was leaving the
Florida building in which she and I have separate apartments. Perhaps too
smugly, I was on my way to give an undoubtedly profound philosophy lecture at a
nearby university, when she leaned over her outdoor walkway railing and called
down, "Richie, did you remember to take a hand-kerchief?" "Yes, Mom." Loving
mothers who deserve our honor today and every day inevitably help us keep our
feet on the ground...and a handkerchief always within reach!
Let us bow our heads in prayer: Lord God, who
in ancient days commanded honor for the mothers of Israel, we give thanks this
day for our mothers, and for your Holy Spirit, who together through the ages
love, comfort and nurture their children. Bless our mothers in this world and
the next; strengthen them with your Spirit; and, guide them as they continue to
grow in your love and service; this we ask in the Name of Jesus Christ Our
Lord. Amen.