A form of the word "love" was
used no less than 11 times during today's readings from the Bible. This should
not surprise us; "love" is at the very core, the very heart, of Christianity.
Moreover, "love" is central to many secular views of life, too. But, to quote
an old song title, "What is this thing called love?"
Perhaps it is that wonderful
feeling of exhilaration in a new friendship, emotions sometime called
"springtime love." The ego is fed; life is wonderful; all is aglow! But there
is a problem: such infatuations - common and normal at the outset of many
relationships - might be interpreted as mature love. As these initial feelings
give way to other quieter emotions, some individuals might assume that "it's
all over," true love has ended, and the relationship should be set aside as a
new quest begins for permanent, springtime love -- a search to be repeated
again and again! Surely, this brand of love is not the heart of Christianity;
surely, temporary infatuation is not the love lived fully by Jesus Christ.
Several years ago I attended a
solo performance of a nationally known, popular vocalist. At the conclusion of
the event, she was enthusiastically applauded. Appreciatively, she shouted to
the audience, "I love you, I love you." I thought to myself, "you love me? you
don't even know me!'' The performer was feeling affirmed, perhaps adored by
fans; she felt praised, and rightly so. Curiously, when she said "I love
you, he really meant "I feel good about myself because of your
applause." Surely, this brand of love is not the hart of Christianity; surely,
a brief moment of gratification is not the love lived fully by Jesus Christ.
An elderly relative of a
colleague wallows in self-pity. Each morning she opens the door of a special
closet-shrine in her home, where her neatly arranged, empty prescription
bottles saved for decades encourage her creed, "Poor me." In addition to this
daily ritual, she courts injustices, even creating them when none is available.
Trapped in a “Good Friday,” she indulges pleasurably in her
martyrdom. My colleague is astounded that she identifies these gloomy feelings
as the love that fills her life. Surely, this brand of love is not the heart of
Christianity; surely, woeful self-pity is not the love lived fully by Jesus
Christ.
A particular family does
everything together. Grandparents, mother, father, the married son and his wife
and their children are always together on vacations, weekends, parties, and so
on. If one is invited somewhere, it's assumed that all are invited; and, if
they're not, they'll all come anyway or stay home. When you've see one, you've
seen them all; individuality is practically non-existent. They own each other;
they possess each other; they are addicted to each other; they crush each
other, in the name of being a loving family. Surely, this brand of love is not
the heart of Christianity; surely, possessiveness is not the love lived fully
by Jesus Christ.
A pious hermit prays intensely
hour after hour in his desert cave. Within him is a deep longing, indeed a
craving, to be united with God, to lose himself in the Divine. A lonely,
solitary figure, he minimizes his bodily needs; he makes a virtue of calculated
poverty and lifelong chastity; we could not imagine that he could be earthy or
enjoy a good party. He feels what he calls love only when he is most yearning
to be with God, during times of trance-like meditation. Surely, this brand of
love is not the heart of Christianity; surely, a fatal attraction for the
Divine is not the love lived fully by Jesus Christ.
Many men and women have been
raised to be "givers. " They have been taught that only other people's needs
matter. They can provide for others, but are difficult to provide for. They are
willing to "give you the shirt off their backs" but cannot easily accept gifts
from others. They are ready to help, but cannot ask for help. There is a
desperation in their overwhelming need to be needed. The idealization of
selflessness in some religious circles and among some of the unwholesome people
the Church calls "Saints" has encouraged too often the neglect of the final two
words of Jesus' teaching, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself."
Surely, without those final two words any notion of love is not the heart of
Christianity; surely, pious self-neglect for its own sake is not the love lived
fully by Jesus Christ.
Let me now point to the
qualities taught and lived by Jesus Christ, emotions and ways of relating to
each other encouraged by Him as he commands us to love one another. First, hear
the words of St. Paul (I Cor. 13:4 ff.) "Love is patient and kind; love is not
jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its
own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but
rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, hopes all things, endures all
things."
And now, some pertinent
insights drawn from the secular humanist Ashley Montagu and others: Love
implies the possession of a feeling of deep involvement in another; a loving
relationship is supportive (not undermining), firm (including "no" as well as
"yes"), mutual (not one-way), tender (not rough), joyful (not woeful), fearless
(not apprehensive), and peace-loving (not embattled). A loving relationship is
creative (not monotonous), forgiving when sorrow is expressed (not begrudging),
merciful (not vindictive) and artistic (not routine). Loving relationships are
those that encourage us to feel sensitively, to feel warmly and with equal
regard toward our true neighbors; loving relationships encourage us to take
care of our own needs, too.
I would propose to you that
these qualities fit both human and divine love; such love is the heart of
friendship, family life, and the life of Christian congregations; these are
qualities which our occupational lives should embrace; indeed, these are the
qualities at the foundation of good government and a truly noble, kinder and
gentler social order.
My comments here in no way
exhaust the many meanings given to the word "love." Nor is my vision of the
love of God in Christ complete or flawless. But I am bold enough to encourage
you to be careful of the word; many of the examples I've explored have often
invaded the Christian Faith and are damaging spiritually and emotionally to the
unsuspecting.
To distinguish among the many
emotions called "love," it is Good News that you and I are guided chiefly by
those qualities lived for us and for our salvation by God's Clue to Love, no
one other than Jesus Christ Our Lord. Amen.